A Deep Dive Into Thay's Calm-Ease Meditation

Healthy Relationships | 5 of 6

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Healthy Relationships

A patient, kind, thoughtful, compassionate, insightful, loving friend is a beautiful gift that can support us in seeing the beauty in our suffering.  Such a friend is always grounded in the moment so they can be fully present.  They are BEing so their mind isn't filled with criticality or judgement.  They are fully immersed in listening.  Just listening.  They hear both the happiness and peace of the moment, as well as our suffering.  Breathing and listening to their experience of the moment, insight comes and is offered as a loving invitation.  Maybe the insight is, "I will sit with you so you don't have to be alone."  The Calm-Ease meditation sets us up to be a friend to ourself, and then secondly, a friend for another.

The Calm-Ease meditation cultivates our intra-personal relationship between our suffering and the insights from the seeds of conscience.   We begin the meditation by listening to our breath and then both our breath and our body.  Our mind becomes filled with the awareness of our sensory experiences, which is our sensory conscience.  As we breath in we are fully aware of our lungs filling with air, our shoulders rising, the tension in our shoulders and a subtle shifting of our weight  across our bottom and legs.  At the conclusion of our out-breath, we can feel our whole body relaxing and sinking more deeply with each released breath.  We are BEing with our breath and body.  It's in the here and now that the critical and judgment mind quiets.  We can tune it out like the surrounding conversations at a restaurant.

The Cleveland Clinic states "Communication is key, but so is kindness" in their article on the healthy relationships.  While BEing, we are listening deeply and listening is an important half of communication.  Kindness is easily expressed and offered as our judgement mind is quieted.  Conditions too are quieted since judgements of better and worse are quelled.  You can listen to your suffering unconditionally and without judgement.  You hear just as it is, nothing more, nothing less.  

The Calm-Ease meditation fills our mind with the sensory experiences of our breath then our body.

In - Out, "Hello, my breathe."

Calm - Ease, "Oo my tired body, you can ease and relax."

We are listening to our breath.  We are listening to our body.  We are listening for tightness and offering it calmness.  We listen then we offer ease.   That is all we're doing.  Listening and responding with loving kindness.   So the mediation is in accord with the Cleveland Clinic's statement, "Communication is key, but so is kindness."

Continuing to listen, we are offering the kindness, gentleness and the loving of our smile "to yourself.  That is the practice of loving kindness, directed to oneself.", as Thay says in the longer Calm-Ease version.  There is plenty of communication here in the intra-personal relationship and kindness is expressed and offered through our loving smile.  Our judging mind is quieted; hence, we only see ourself as we naturally are, without labels, without imposed beliefs or self imposed expectations.  This is a safe place.  This is our true home.  

Listen to how Thay speaks of this experience in the chapter "Listening to Ourselves", from his How to Connect book on page 48.

Mindfulness of listening and speaking can help us restore communication.  We begin by coming home to ourselves and practicing mere recognition, which means listening to whatever thoughts and emotions rise up without judging them, and then letting them pass without holding onto them.  We can learn to listen to our own suffering.  We don't have to try and get away from ourselves or cover up unpleasant or uncomfortable feelings.  We are there for ourselves, to understand ourselves, our suffering and our difficulties, and to transform.  Before we can listen to another person, we need to spend time listening to ourselves.

The intra-personal relationship is like any other relationship.  It takes time to trust it.  There is a period of 'getting to know you'.  A time of discovery.  Enjoy this time.  It's always there for you.  As you become comfortable with being in this space, your healing will continue and you'll grow and mature more quickly.  Eventually, you'll be excited to discover suffering in you.  You'll know exactly how to greet it.  How to listen to it and how to love it so it can transition into a beautiful flower of compassion.  These flowers are for you and for you to lovingly offer to another.

Here, Thay speaks of Listening to Others.  Hear how similar it is as "Listen to Ourselves".  The difference in the paragraphs are the flowers of compassion.  While BEing in the moment, you greet another and your flowering compassion will bloom towards that person.  You will know just how to greet them.  How to listen to them and just how to offer them love.  Maybe you'll hear how they don't feel recognized and you offer them, "I see how you have carried this pain and how hard it has been for you.  I can listen if you would like to share more so you can let go and heal the suffering."

"Listening to Others", page 56

The most effective way to show compassion to another person is to listen to them.  Once we know how to listen to our own suffering with compassion, we can listen to someone else with the same compassion, and our listening is like a salve for their wounds.  We listen with only one purpose, which is to give them the change to speak out what is in their heart and to suffer less.  We refrain from interrupting or attempting to correct what we hear.  When we see and understand the other person's suffering, compassion is born in our heart, and we no longer blame them for their behavior.  We only  want to help and bring relief.  We can do this by listening deeply, with compassion, and without judgement.

Let's experience this healthy relationship in a meditation.

14 minute meditation with bells at 2 mins.   Mediation's Audio

With kindness, greet your whole in breath.  -  Enjoy every out breath for just what it is

Kindly greet  -  Enjoy

"Hello, my body."  Smile.  -  "I am here for you."

"Hello"  -  "I am here for you."

"I am listening to you"  -  "I hear your tensions and aches."

"Listening"  -  "Hearing"

With calmness, smiles to your body's tensions.  -  Gently share your breath's softness so the tensions can ease.

Smile to tensions.  -  Share softness with tensions.

Lovingly smile to your body.  -  Enjoy the soothing release.

Smile  -  Release

Feel the wholeness of your breathe and body as one.  -  Rest in the moment's beauty.

breathe and body as one.  -  Rest in beauty.

Present Moment - Wonderful Moment

Wishing you Peace and Happiness as Wonderment and Gratitude interplay ending in erupting joy.