8 Be Kind, Be Gentle and Be Loving

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How Can I Have a Loving Perspective for Myself?

Objective: To Be Kind, Be Gentle and Be Loving with myself.

Why this is Important

• We are doing our best.  Always.  However we have limited perspective on the larger realities of life and we can only take one step at a time.  We have two choices when confronting our suffering: continue to create with our limited perspective or to let go by mindfully breathing which promotes a concentration on the here and now so insight can gently and wonderfully present the healthiest next step.   The obvious answer is mindfulness; however, we have accumulated many reasons for continuing with our limited perspective.  Remember, we're doing our best when we created from the limited perspective so those decisions are important to us.  It takes kindness, gentleness and love to invite ourselves to let go and know we are okay and haven't lost anything of our self.  The more we let go, the more we realize the beauty we are.

How Do We Get There?

• • Discourse on the Full Awareness of Breathing

Steps 1 and 2:   In - Out *1

• • Mindfulness, Concentration and Insight - Looking Deeply *1

  • Smiles *1

Sangha Sharing

What joy, insights, wonderment, questions and moments would you like to share?

Dharma Talk

The following is from my personal journey in understanding.  All of it is found within Thich Nhat Hanh's talks but it isn't packaged quite this way.  

Love is Organic

"Love is a living, breathing thing.  There is no need to force it to grow in a particular direction.  If we start by being easy and gentle with ourselves, we will find it is just there inside of us, solid and healing."    *2  pg 15.

At this point, we are really starting to become aware of the mind within my mind, the body within my body, the breath within my breath.  There is a tremendous amount of love, peace and joy to be found here and there is also suffering found here.  Suffering waiting on us to love it and transform into the flower it is.  

How Do I Mindfully Look Upon Myself?  

I compassionately recognize.                         Then I unconditionally love.

Breathing in - I recognize.                                 Breathing out - I express love.

Breathing in - I am aware of my breath     Breathing out - I smile to my breath.

How Can I Have a Loving Perspective for Myself?

Loving Communication

"To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.  To know how to love someone, we have to understand them.  To understand, we need to listen.  That person may be our partner, our friend, our sibling, or our child.  You can ask, "Dear one, do you think that I understand you enough?   Please tell me your difficulties, your suffering and your deepest wishes."  Then the other person has an opportunity to open their heart. "  *2  pg 39.

Be Kind.

Breathe in and say, be kind.  Be kind to yourself.  You are on your life journey to know yourself and who you truly are.  Be kind to you.  It took you all theses years, months and days to arrive into this moment. These feelings you feel make perfect sense for this moment on your journey.  So be kind to yourself.  

Let's try.

breathe in - With kindness, recognize your experience.    |      breathe out - I gently smile to your BEing experience.

Kindness is acknowledging and greeting your breath, your body, your mind, your thoughts and feelings.  It's how we greet another.

Be Gentle.

"The second element of true love is compassion.  Compassion is the capacity to understand the sufferings in oneself and in the other person.  If you understand you own suffering, you can help him to understand his suffering.  Understanding suffering brings compassion and relief.  You can transform your own suffering and help transform the suffering of the other person with the practice of mindfulness and looking deeply. "   *2  pg 18.

Next, breathe in again and be gentle with yourself.  You are trying hard and things have not worked out as you had expected.  Be gentle with you because it hurts.  Be gentle because it's tender.  Be gentle so you can see into the pain and with kindness see more of it's source without feeling bad, disappointed or threatened by what you'll see. It's just where you're at on your life journey.  Be gentle with you.  

Gentleness is listening to understand.

Be Beautiful, Be Yourself

"If you can accept your body, then you have a chance to see your body as your home.  You can rest in your body, settle in, release and feel joy and ease.  If you don't accept your body and your mind, you can't be at home with yourself.  You have to accept yourself as you are.  This is a very important practice.  As you practice building a home in yourself, you become more and more beautiful."   *2  pg 23.

Just recognize what is before you, label it and then gentle recognize it.

"Oh, hello feeling of fear."  No judgement is made.  Just recognize.  "I see/feel you."

If you start to become overwhelmed, then return to your breathing.  Become aware that there are parts within you that are very peaceful.  Breathe in a peaceful part of your.  Breathe out and offer it to the part that is not peaceful.   

You are so much more than one emotion, a Plum Village Short of Thay.

Be Loving.

Healing

"We human beings have lost confidence in the body just knowing what to do.  If we have time alone with ourselves, we panic and try to do many different things.  Mindful breathing helps us to relearn the art of resting.  Mindful breathing is like having a loving parent cradle a baby, saying, "Don't worry, I'll take good care of you, just rest." "  *3

Be loving with you.  From kindness and gentleness, you now have compassion for yourself and this puts you in a position to truly love yourself.   Speak the love that is needed. 

Breathing in - Hello fear.   Breathing out - I will be here so you are not alone.

Joy

"The third element of true love is the capacity to offer joy.  When you know how to generate joy, it nourishes you and nourishes the other person.  Your presence is an offering, like fresh air, or spring flowers or the bright blue sky."   *2  pg 20.

Here are some examples.

Easy ones to love myself just because.  : )  This build joy and awareness of the love within you.

Hello, my breath.  -  I smile gratefully to you.

Hello, my whole body.  -  I wrap you in a loving hug.

Hello, my tired feet.  -  I am sitting so you can rest.    Thank you.

Hello, my tired mind.  -  I am here with my breath so you can rest. 

Hello, my heart.   -    I am sitting in all the love within you.

These can be a little more difficult because they are uncomfortable.  However, they are feelings just the same.

Hello, my anxiety.  -   I am breathing the calmness of my breath to you.

Hello, my fear.   -   I will sit with you so you are not alone.

Hello, my loneliness.   -   I will mindfully breathe and share the peace with you.

Hello, my frustration.   -    I am recognizing you so you know you're heard.  Then smile.

Hello, my desire to be more.   -  I lovingly smile to you so you know you're enough.

Hello, my impatience.   -    I will share the peace and happiness of the moment with you.

Thich Nhat Hanh examples:

Hello, dear painful feeling 😌I am here to take care of you

I offer my presence to you.

Let's Joyfully Explore with Curiosity and Wonderment

Begin with the Calm-Ease meditation then step into Be Kind, Be Gentle, Be Loving.  

Aware of my whole in breath  -  I smile to my out breath

In - Smile

I calm my body  -  I ease my body

Calm  -  Ease

I kindly smile to my whole being.  -  I release tensions.\

Kindly smile  -  Release

As I breathe in, I am aware of my whole self.  -  Breathing out, kindness greet yourself.

Aware of self  - Kindly greet

As I breathe in, I am aware of my whole self.  -  Breathing out, gently listen to yourself

Aware of self  - Gently listen

As I breathe in, I am aware of my whole self.  -  Breathing out, wrap yourself in love

Aware of self  - Wrap Love

Rest in the Love  -  Gratefully Smile. You're home.

Rest  -  Home

* Hạnh, N. (2008). Chapter 2: Exploring the Sutra. In Breathe, you are alive! the Sutra on the full awareness of breathing (pp. 21–22). essay, Parallax Press. 

*1 Mindfulness, Concentration and Insight are not included in either the Buddha's Sutra on the Full Awareness of Breathing nor in Breathe, You  are Alive! Sutra on the Full Awareness of Breathing.

*2 Hạnh, N. (2015).  How To Love (pp. 1–39). Parallax Press. 

*3 Hạnh, N. (2015).  How To Relax (pp. 12). Parallax Press.